In a move that has left residents somewhere between confused, amused, and slightly offended, Syracuse lawmakers have introduced a proposed ordinance that would ban the simultaneous purchase of a toothbrush and toothpaste on Sundays.According to Councilor Margaret “Peg” Flossington — who reportedly drafted the bill while waiting for her dental cleaning — the law aims to “restore the sanctity of the Sabbath by discouraging excessive oral hygiene multitasking.”“We’re not telling people they can’t brush their teeth on Sundays,” Flossington clarified at Thursday’s meeting. “We’re simply encouraging them to spread out their dental productivity. Buy a toothbrush today, toothpaste tomorrow. Pace yourselves. Enjoy life.”What the Law Would Actually RequireIf passed, the ordinance would:Allow the purchase of either a toothbrush or toothpaste on SundaysBan the purchase of both in the same transactionImpose a $45 fine for violators, which officials say will go toward “general whitening initiatives”Require stores to post signage reading:“Sunday Dental Pairings Prohibited — Keep It Holy.”Some CVS and Wegmans employees have already begun practicing what the city calls the “Separate the Smiles Procedure,” where a cashier must physically slide one of the offending items out of reach and whisper:“Not today.”How Did This Even Happen?Rumor has it the proposal gained traction after a local resident attempted to buy a “7-in-1 Ultra-Mint Mega Dental Pack” last Sunday, causing a checkout system meltdown that briefly forced a Rite Aid to close the toothpaste aisle.“This is about public safety,” Flossington insisted. “Syracuse infrastructure just isn’t built for that kind of minty efficiency.”Mixed Reactions from the CommunityThe public response has been swift:Dental professionals are torn. Some applaud the emphasis on oral awareness, while others are concerned it will create a black market of “Sunday Hygiene Dealers,” offering BOGO Colgate out of Prius trunks.Residents are confused.“So I can buy mouthwash, floss, whitening strips, and a tongue scraper… but not the two things everyone needs?” one Eastwood resident asked. “Seems targeted.”Local pastors are reportedly relieved.“We already lost football. Please don’t let us lose Sunday dignity to mint-themed errand runs,” said one.EnforcementThe Syracuse Police Department has stated they have no interest whatsoever in enforcing the rule.“If someone needs both, we’re not chasing them down Erie Boulevard over oral hygiene contraband,” said SPD spokesperson Lt. Dan Brushman. “We’ve got bigger issues — like people parallel parking on Tipp Hill like absolute psychopaths.”What Happens Next?The Common Council will vote on the proposal next month, during an emergency meeting rescheduled twice because someone accidentally booked the chamber for a children’s toothpaste mascot meet-and-greet.If passed, the law would take effect January 1st — just in time for New Year’s resolutions and an anticipated spike in Saturday night dental shopping sprees.Flossington maintains confidence in the measure.“Syracuse was built on strong values,” she said. “And none of those values included reckless dental double-purchasing on the Lord’s day.”
Syracuse Proposes New Law to Prevent You From Buying a Toothbrush and Toothpaste at the Same Time on Sundays
